You Are Loved

http://

This doesn't have a name yet but I wrote this in Adoration this morning. For Lent one of the things I'm doing is a devotional called A Forty Days Journey with Gerard Manley Hopkins. It starts each day with either a poem or a part of a letter and then it has different steps to pray with that quote. Today's quote was on totally surrendering to God's will.

I am carrying my cross. Walking in the footsteps of the Lord. Ready to die with Him so I may rise with Him.

I am walking along the way, every foot step seems to make my cross grow heavier, cutting into my shoulder, the weight of it is pressing me down.

Step by step I go. Every step getting harder. It's too much, I'm starting to fall. I can't bear this any more.

Oh my Jesus I have fallen. I could not do it. I have failed you. My love is not strong enough.

I'm laying on the ground now, in pain and anguish. Not only have I the pain of the cross but the pain of my failure as well.

Then I look up and there you are. You have been with me all along. I am filled with your love as I gaze into your eyes.

Somehow a tine portion of your strength flows into my tired weak body and your love pours into my aching heart. I must go on!

I continue to walk this way you have chosen for me. Yet again every step is more difficult then the last. Yet I keep my eyes fixed on you.

But then the pain becomes to much and I take my eyes off of you to see how much father I must go.

That is when I begin to stumble again. I try with everything I am to find you again before I fall but I can't.

I'm on the ground again. I've fallen a second time. Again filled with pain and anguish my eyes search for you.

I find you. We lock eyes. You say to me from the crowd "My daughter, I love you and I will never leave you."

Somehow just knowing of your love for me gives me the strength to carry on. Step by step I carry on with you by my side.

But then again I find myself wondering "How long can this go on? How can I do this on my own? Why is He asking this of me? I can't do it alone! Why is this happening to me? Where are you God?"

That's when I fall for a third time. I lay there exhausted, unable to move an inch. Not just the physical pain of the cross but the knowledge that I have failed you yet again keeps me on the ground. I lay there wondering how I can possibly go on.

Then from the crowd you come forward. I see you talking to the soldier. You come to me and lay down beside me.

I am so confused! Why are you, the king of kings, laying on the dirty ground next to me, who has failed you three times already?

You look me in the eye and say to me "My daughter I love you and I will never leave you." Then you stand up, your clothes all dirt, take my hand and help me up. I stand there in front of you, dirty and ashamed but ready to continue.

You put the cross back on my shoulders. I wince under the weight but your love gives me strength.

I go to take a step and it doesn't seem so heavy. I look behind me to see why this is and I see you.

You, who already went through this for me, You, the King of Kings. You are carrying the back of my cross for me.

And so we continue on our way. Together.

JMJ+
~Betsy

Totus tuus Maria! Let's see what the good God wills.