Hm...

I'm kind of frustrated and scared right now. I'm starting to doubt that I can actually do the whole sign language program. It's really hard and I'm only in the first class right now, it's only going to get more hard. I don't know why He wants me to do this and I'm really scared. I also don't know what difference I'm making here in Lansing. How am I doing more here then in the convent? I don't know if I'm going about sharing my faith with people in the right way. I don't want people to be afraid of me or in awe of me or anything like that. I also don't want people to think my life is perfect because it's not. Yes, on the outside it looks like a very easy life, but that's because everything is on the inside and I don't know how to show what's going on on the inside at all.
But even in the middle of all these doubts and questions, I know one thing, that this is God's will for me right now and He alone will get me through it. I don't know why or when or how or anything like that but I do know that He will and that's what I'm clinging to. One thing I learned from my retreat with the Franciscan Sisters is that confusion is okay! Questions are good. We need to question God so that He can teach us. But we need to question once and then believe! We need confusion but with hope! For without hope confusion turns to anxiety. Don't be afraid of the confusion, it's a normal part of life and everyone needs to deal with it. But deal with it with hope and deal with it with Christ!

JMJ+

Totus tuus Maria! Let's see what the good God wills.