Retreat and Where I'm At Now.

Two weekends ago I had my discernment retreat with the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist.
Going on retreat I had a plan, I knew exactly what was going to happen. I was going to go into my spiritual direction with Sister Joseph and I knew exactly what she was going to say and I knew what I was going to say and I was going to come home from retreat with my application papers. But that's not what happened at all. Sister and I talked for a while she asked me about my family, what are they all doing, where did they go to school, where do you go to school and what brought you here. After I told her she looked me right in the eye and said "this life is really difficult and you aren't ready for it. You really need to go to college for a year and get away from your family because you aren't ready." At that moment my heart knew that she was right but my emotions so didn't accept it at all. At the beginning of retreat we had each gotten a litany title and we were told to pray about it during our Holy hour and find out why we got the one we did. My litany title was Mary Morning Star pray for us. Also in the morning Sister Joseph had said to us "You have to be stubborn in Adoration. Go in there and say 'I'm not leaving until I get the answers to my questions' then tell Him your questions then stop talking!" so when I went into Adoration, balling my eyes out angry and frustrated at God, I said "Okay, you heard Sister, I'm not leaving until you tell me 1) what good could possibly come from me waiting, 2) why is this happening to me again (referring to the fact that one of my really good friends got her application papers and, being the youngest of seven, I've spent a lot of my life watching others do stuff that I really want to but can't) and 3) why does it feel so right and why do I feel so ready if I'm clearly not?" After a while in response to the first one He said to me "Betsy, you will convert, bring to a deeper relationship with me and led to their true vocation more people in the world then you EVER could as a postulant. Being a postulant is about personal growing which is very important but I have so many people who need you to help them grow before you can grow yourself." How can I argue with that one? In response to the second question He said "the reason it's happened so much in your life is so you can deal with this one." Which really does answer the question but I still wanted to argue so I said "But that doesn't tell me why this one is happening!!" I didn't hear anything else after that. He just totally stopped talking to me. After a little while of nothing I said "okay I'm really ticked at you so I'm going to talk to Mary" I went and sat in front of the icon of Our Lady of Guadalupe and was praying the the Akathist hymn to Mary and after I had chanted the whole thing I was going back and reading them through again to see if she spoke to me and after I read the 5th chant I heard her clear as day say to me "My daughter let me be your star of Bethlehem. You must let me guide you to my son and I promise you that you will get here at some point but He has so much more planned for you first." At that moment I was flooded with an incredible peace and I felt Marys arms totally surrounding me! Then I went to bed because it was five in the morning.
On Sunday during morning prayer I started crying again because it just felt so right and it was so beautiful and the sisters sing divinely! I cried out to God with everything in me "Lord I am ready to do what you will but please give me joy back, I don't want to be miserable for the next two years because I'm doing your will. Just PLEASE give me joy back" I calmed down after a bit and when we were praying the Rosary I pulled mine out and it was broken. I was like "Oh that's kind of weird but whatever" and started trying to fix it and He said "No, you can't. You have to let me put things back together." Instantly two things came to my mind. A few years ago at a youth group meeting they had given us glow sticks to remind us that we need to be broken before we can be a light. I had the chance to spend the month of April in Austria and while I was there I found out that a very good friend of a lot of my good friends had been killed in a car crash. I was very hurt and angry at God for letting me be gone when my friends needed me and I was in the Adoration chapel and pulled out a different Rosary and it was broken in almost the same place. We went to Mass at the motherhouse and again I started crying because they let us sit in the choir stalls and I was sitting right behind Sister Mary Dominic and it just felt right. Father James started his homily with "Before I entered the Dominicans I had a plan of how it was going to go." Right away I was like "Oh boy, I better listen!" He went on to say "I was finishing up college and knew that this is what He wanted me to do. It was going to be a huge triumphant entry. It was going to be amazing! But my parents were really pushing for grad school so I decided to go for one maybe two years but I would have the blinders on all the time because I knew this was what He wanted of me and I was sure that I was never going to get distracted from it. But...then along came the girl and out went the triumphant entry!" He then went on to talk about how amazing this women was and how she had all these Dominican traits about her. Then he said "So when I finally did enter a few years later it wasn't some huge triumphant entry it was 'okay I have no idea why I'm here or if this is even what you want of me but okay I'm going to take a leap of faith and start walking on the water.

This really helped me because then I knew why I'm waiting, I have to be broken and I have to learn that it's all about Him. I walked out of Mass with the BIGGEST smile on my face and it still hasn't gone away. It's been really hard for me coming home. I've been really homesick for my sisters because I know that's where I belong and it really is home. I've also been noticing Satan a lot more openly active in my life. But I don't have to worry because Jesus won the victory a long time ago when I died on the cross for me. NO WORRIES! I am in the process of filling out my NET application and am taking the SAT in December so I'll be applying to colleges as well. We'll see where He leads me. JMJ+ ~Betsy Totus tuus Maria P.S. Sorry it looks so weird, I copied and pasted it.

Thirst

Thirst

I am thirsting for your love, why do you run away?

Do you not know that my love for you is perfect and everything you need?
When I formed you in the womb this is what I made you for, yet you continue to run because you are afraid.

I am thirsting for your love, why do you run?

It will be hard and there are many difficult things but my love is more powerful and yet more gentle then anything in the world.

I am thirsting for your love, why do you continue to run?

Do you not understand how much I love you, do you not see everything I am aching to give you? I wish to give you every good thing in the world.

Do you not see that I am thirsting for you, why do you still run?

I know you are afraid and yes you don't know what the future will bring, but there is no need to worry.

If you could only see how much I am thirsting for you, you would stop running.

Lord it's true I don't know where you will lead me but I'm not happy running and I want to trust you.

The truth is I am thirsting for your love and I don't want to run any more.

I can see now that you are the only thing that will make me happy, nothing else can fill me the way you do.

I am thirsting for your love and I'm not going to run any more.

I know that your love is perfect and there is no need to fear. You are the only thing that can satisfy my heart.

I am thirsting for your love and am running right into your arms!

What I'm Thinking About Right Now.

So retreat is in 11 days. I'm so ready for it I really can't wait! Life has been kind of crazy lately and it's starting to get me down. I'm just so ready for a break from it all. Yet at the same time I'm almost dreading it because it means I have to actually articulate what's in my heart to someone I've never met before and I'm really not good at that. It's so much easier for me to type or write what's on my heart then for me to actually say it face to face to someone. I guess the reason I'm posting this is just to get it out. I've been holding this in for way to long. Please keep me in your prayers.

JMJ+
~Betsy

Totus tuus Maria!

New Blog

I am now a part of the Holy Vocations blog and so will not be posting here much any more.

JMJ+
~Betsy

Totus tuus Maria!

My Vocation Story.

The Amazing Journey of How God Has Asked Me to Marry Him and Brought Me to the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist.
.
.
.
.
From the time I was very young the thought that maybe I was going to be a nun was there.
This was due in part to the fact that five of my paternal great aunts were Sisters of Saint
Joseph in London, Ontario. My aunt and uncle have a cottage in Canada that they let us use for
family vacations and we would always spend a day in London at the motherhouse. While yes, it
was only seven days of my life, it made such a huge impact on me that whenever someone
asked me “What do you want to be when you grow up?” it was always “…or a nun”.
When I was twelve I was sitting on the couch making a bracelet and thinking and praying about my life. All of a sudden I knew that I was going to be one hundred percent God’s. I can’t say what happened, but I knew and have never doubted it since. The first year was very hard for me because I didn’t really understand what that meant. Instead of seeing everything I get
when I give myself to God I was focused on everything I had to give up. At my Confirmation Mass, about a year later, my eyes were opened to the amazing thing that being a sister really is and that’s when my romance with God really began. I still had no idea how I was going to live it out.
In August of 2007 I was pretty sure that God was calling me to one of three orders: the Servants of God’s Love, The Sisters of Life, or The Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist. In November I was looking more into the Servants of God’s Love and was very attracted to their work with orphans and I was thinking that maybe that’s where God was calling me. Then the fact that they don’t wear a traditional habit started bugging me. I kept telling myself, “Betsy, that’s ridiculous, what they wear doesn’t matter at all, the important thing is the work they do,” but I was having a really hard time with it. Eventually I got so fed up with myself I said, “Okay God, I’m going to go back to discerning between these three orders and if you want me with the Servants of God’s Love you are going to have to change my heart because I’m having a really hard time with this” and He said ,“Okay, I’ll let you know, but not yet.”
In late November I got a phone call from one of my friends asking if I wanted to go on the March for Life in Washington D.C. I said yes, and thought that maybe this would decide the Sisters of Life one way or the other. I went on the trip and had an amazing time of course, but when I got home I couldn’t figure out if something had happened or if I only felt like something happened because I wanted something to happen. I kept going back and forth and just couldn’t figure it out. At the end of February I went on retreat with my youth group and was talking to my small group leader about what was going on and she said to me, “ Betsy, if you believe that God is calling you to the Sisters of Life, then pursue it and if He isn’t He will let you know before your final vows.” I started pursuing it, but there wasn’t anything I could really do about it because they ask you to go to college before you join.. I was just waiting.
My mom and I came to the profession of first vows in August and I was very moved. When the Sisters were prostrate in front of the altar, I saw myself at some point in the future, in a white habit and black veil prostrate in front of the altar at Christ the King. I just brushed it aside though because I was going to have a blue scapular and cape and it was going to be in New York. When we came to the motherhouse, the first thing we did was go into the chapel and right .way I felt at home and at peace. One of the things that really stuck out to me was the joy and laughter of all of the sisters, even in the midst of hard work. What also struck me was the genuine beauty of all of you that has nothing to do with the outside.
On Friday, my first thought was “Maybe I’m not so sure about New York.” I told my mom this and she said “Yeah, I kind of thought that might happen.” Later in the day I was doing dishes and I asked God, “Okay, what happened yesterday? I thought you wanted me in New York?” He told me that the reason I thought He wanted me in New York was because He needed to know how much I am willing to give and if I was willing to wait. A few weeks prior to this I was in Adoration and had finally given Him everything and really meant it. He told me that because I had shown Him that I was ready to do anything for Him, He wasn’t asking me to go to New York and do theses hard things but He was asking me to go to Ann Arbor next year.

JMJ+
~Betsy

Totus tuus Maria!

Bishop Sheen quotes!

My Favorite Quotes by Bishop Fulton J. Sheen
--------------------------------------------------------

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Leisure is a form of silence, not noiselessness. It is the silence of contemplation such as occurs when we let our minds rest on a rosebud, a child at play, a Divine mystery, or a waterfall.

Life is like a cash register, in that every account, every thought, every deed, like every sale, is registered and recorded.

Show me your hands. Do they have scars from giving? Show me your feet. Are they wounded in service? Show me your heart. Have you left a place for divine love?

The proud man counts his newspaper clippings, the humble man his blessings.

Too many people get credit for being good, when they are only being passive. They are too often praised for being broadminded when they are so broadminded they can never make up their minds about anything.

There are not a hundred people in America who hate the Catholic Church. There are millions of people who hate what they wrongly believe to be the Catholic Church— which is, of course, quite a different thing.

It's like being a Knight of the Garter. It's an honor, but it doesn't hold up anything.

JMJ+
~Betsy

Totus tuus Maria!

Spirit and Life

Spirit & Life®
"The words I spoke to you are spirit and life." (Jn 6:63) Human Life International e-Newsletter Volume 04, Number 26 | Friday, August 21, 2009
..................................................................................	www.hli.org
Pro-Life Dos and Don'ts for 2009 In light of the recent political and economic upheaval in our country, I have been asked by a number of people to re-issue the Spirit & Life edition that I sent out at the time of the March for Life this past January. Our readers may look again and judge whether or not there is any relevance to it. I will only preface this posting with an insight that pro-life activist Mark Crutcher gave on his recent "Life Talk" show. It is this: with regard to the phenomenal citizen participation in the town hall meetings this summer, where have all these patriotic citizens been when it comes to the killing of babies in their country? There are many who are concerned about their own healthcare and more who are concerned about their pocketbooks, but why can we not generate the same level of indignation about the destruction of 50 million American taxpayers who would even now be contributing to the economy and buying into the healthcare system? Our country needs serious conversion of heart. Don't get me wrong; I am glad people are standing up to ridiculous legislation proposed by professional liars, but I am not in favor of selective indignation when the destruction of innocent life right in our own neighborhoods is so catastrophic for our country. This economic crisis is only the beginning of the long-term effects of the loss of so much precious life. Let's pray intensely for that deep national conversion of heart that is really the only thing that will save our country from destruction - terrorism, healthcare and the economy all take a back seat to this utterly urgent priority. And by the way, if you didn't commit to these dos and don'ts back in January, there's no time like the present! January 23rd, 2009, Spirit & Life The pro-life movement is going through a great deal of self-examination at this time. I am not a pessimist, but my sense of realism tells me that the election of extreme abortion advocate, Barack Obama, and the nearly 7,000 political appointments of his administration will usher in a new decade of war on decency and the sanctity of life. Despite the ferocious optimism of his inauguration, the dark clouds of the culture of death are gathering over Washington as we speak, ready to cast their darkness everywhere. In this time of preparation for the upcoming total war on life, I offer this modest list of Dos and Don'ts for the generous and valiant pro-lifers who gather for the March for Life in Washington, DC on January 22nd. May all men and women of good will take these recommendations to heart for a fruitful pro-life 2009! DON'TS Above all, do not grow despondent: there is much to fear for the situation of life around the world, but we are not permitted by our Christian faith to give up our efforts or zeal for life. In fact, we need to redouble it! Do not become absorbed in the quest for a political solution to abortion: after 36 years of working for a political solution to abortion, we may soon see the wiping out of most, if not all, of the pro-life movement's gains with the stroke of a pen. Politics has failed. Or rather, we have failed at politics. Either way, politics now offers us little chance of anything other than just trying to slow the massive momentum of the culture of death. Do not waste any more energy on overturning Roe: two Supreme Court seats are assured during an Obama administration, and they will undoubtedly be filled with extreme pro-abortion activist judges. A third appointment will leave us with no hope of overturning Roe in anyone's lifetime reading this. For that matter, the chance that a good pro-life President will succeed Obama in four years and nullify the leftward lurch of the high court is, shall we say, unlikely. Let's get hopes of undoing Roe out of our system and focus on more productive things. DOS Pray every day for God to end abortion with our help (in that order): abortion is such a great spiritual and social evil that only the divine power of God Himself can end it. "The Lord hears the cry of the poor," but God will not do it alone. He needs us to humbly recognize the basic fact that it is humanly impossible to end this evil. We need to get on our knees and beg His Mercy on the unborn and the conversion of all those who commit these evils. Commit to fasting every week to end the evils of abortion and contraception: "Some demons can only be driven out by prayer and fasting," said the Lord, and we have to take that admonition seriously if we are to effect any change in the hearts of our people or of our society. Fasting makes us more spiritual and gives greater efficacy to all our works and prayers. Take back the culture: Even if the anti-lifers hold the reins of political power, we must not sit back and allow moral anarchists to define all the terms of the cultural or social agenda. Whether it is through social activism for life (crisis pregnancy centers, pickets and prayer marches) or through touching hearts and minds one soul at a time (persuasion, formation, teaching, media), we cannot be neutral about the direction our American culture is heading. It is leading us to certain spiritual death, and no one can afford that. We need to fight for it and never give up the battle. I promise you that Human Life International will be in the struggle for lives and souls continuously. It is our calling and mission. We will never give one inch to uphold the truth that the whole world needs to hear more than ever: namely, that human life is sacred from the first moment of natural fertilization to the moment of natural death - and we will defend it whether Mr. Obama likes it or not. Sincerely, Rev. Thomas J. Euteneuer, President, Human Life International JMJ+ ~Betsy Totus tuus Maria!