update time! :)

This past year as been really good for me. I've done a lot of growing in really falling in love with Jesus and more then that allowing Him to love me. One thing I learned is that in the past I'd never forgive myself. I always knew in my head that He forgives everything but there was some things in my past that I really hadn't forgiven myself for and so felt like I couldn't accept His love. That's changed in the past year and I'm coming to be able to accept His love and not have to question why He loves me.

Another area I've grown is having a solid prayer time every day. (Though I'm sorry to say it didn't happen today) I've mostly been able to get in a Holy Hour every day this week as well as pray a Rosary every day. There aren't really any tangible changes but I can tell that spending more time with Him is making a difference in my heart.

In February I spent a weekend with the Sister Servants for their young adult retreat. It was a wonderful weekend and brought a lot of peace to my heart. I don't know yet where I'm going to end up but I'm really attracted to the combination of the Dominican and Franciscan spiritualities.

School is going really well. I love studying sign language and I've found that He has given me a real gift for it. In July I'll be screening to get into the interpreter training program at the school and that will start up in the fall. I'm really excited about it! I'm also going to be moving out in the fall which I'm very excited about as well. I'm not quite sure where I'm going to be. I have two options. There is a home for the dieing here in Lansing run by a consecrated virgin and the current live in caretaker is moving out so she needs a new person to live there. I'm currently in the process of applying for that position. If that doesn't work out then I'm hoping to move into an apartment with a friend of mine. I'm definitely ready to move out!

It's been a wonderful year full of lots of learning. I'm excited to see what the next year brings!

JMJDTF+
~Betsy

Totus tuus Maria! Let's see what the good God wills.

You are a Priest Forever

wow it's been a long time since I've posted here. YIKES! My good friend Dan is being ordained on June eleventh (Please keep him in your prayers!) I was sitting at the piano a few minutes ago just messing around not really playing anything particular when what I was playing became "You are a Priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek" and then I wrote this. I wanted to get it onto my computer so it's legible and I don't want to post it on my facebook because I don't want him to see it until it's totally done.

You are a Priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek

You are a Priest forever, Christ here on Earth

With your hands anointed with oil you will heal the sick

With your hands you will forgive sins and bring Christ's true presence to Earth

With your feet you will walk as Christ walked to visit the lost and alone

With your feet you will live among the world, a light to the lost sheep searching for a shepherd

With your speech you will preach the Gospel to all

With your speech you will share the good news.

All of your being is dedicated to Him.

All of your being He will use

Yet the most powerful part of you is your heart.

With your heart you will love. You will love with the heart of Christ

With your heart you will love until it hurts

and with your heart you will win souls

You are a Priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek

You are a Priest forever, Christ here on Earth.

Brand New Piggy Banks

The title of this post will make sense in a moment I promise!
I was talking to my friend Jenn about life and she came up with this analogy.

We are like a piggy bank and all our treasures are the money the bank.
God gives us our treasures and He wants us to leave them on the table so He can get to them easier but we, being stubborn, put the money back into the bank so we can keep it safe and sound. Then He has to break the bank in order to get the money out which hurts a lot. After much pain and heartache He gets all the money back on the table and says "okay I want you to leave this here on the table so I can use them." So we say "okay God, you can use my coins." Then a few minutes later we see one coin that we really want to keep "just for me". So we think "Oh it doesn't matter, it's just one little coin. What could it really be used for? I think I'll just take it for myself." We do that again and again until all the coins are in the bank again. Then He has to break the bank again and this is an on going cycle for many of us.
When you are given a brand new piggy bank don't make Him break it again. Leave your coins on the table and truly let Him use you!

JMJ+

Totus tuus Maria! Let's see what the good God wills.

...oh

I've been having a really rough time lately and have just been feeling all around blah. Tonight my mom got a call from the person who is in charge of making sure there are adores in our perpetual Adoration chapel and he needed a sub for the eight to nine holy hour. I really didn't want to go because I had to walk to the church and I really just wanted to stay home and be blah but I decided to go because he really needed someone. I was really frustrated with life and feeling very warn out and tired from the fighting and I was venting to God and He stopped me mid vent and said "you're complaining that the cross I've chosen to give you is to hard and you're to tired and can't seem to find the strength to keep fighting but you never take the time to just be with me? I made you a human being not a human doing! It doesn't have to be a Holy Hour, you don't need to be in Adoration and it doesn't even have to be an hour but take time every day to just BE with me. No talking, no set prayers, just BE!"

My God,
I want to let you have my whole life. I don't want to hold anything back any more.
I'm tired of always fighting you and hanging on to my life. I so badly want to let go and I know that if I do you will catch me but I'm scared. Lord I'm so scared to let go. I want to give everything to you. I feel so exhausted from fighting and I honestly don't want to be afraid because I know you are here but something inside me is still hanging on and I can't make it let go. I feel so weak and tired all the time and I don't want to feel like that any more. I hate feeling like this all the time yet I don't know how to not feel like this. I have felt like this for so long that I don't know how to be any different. Lord please help me change! I can't do this on my own, I need your help. Help me to trust more and more in you. I love you so much and I long to be able to truly say that I have given you everything but I can't do this alone. I need you my God!

I tell you that I love you every day
In the sunsets, in the blue skies, in the green trees
They all whisper of my love for you.
How is it that you don't see my love?
I tell you that I love you every day.
In the smile of a stranger, in a hug from a friend, in the bond of family
They all whisper of my love for you.
How can you not see that I love you?
I tell you that I love you every day
In the music, in the sounds of laughter and in the tears you've shed
They all whisper of my love for you

Prayer to Fall in Love with Christ Crucified.

My Lord,

I long to see the beauty of your cross. My heart desires to be able to look on you crucified and see not just the outward pain and suffering but also the inward beauty that others claim they see. I long to fall in love with you crucified. Lord, if it be in accordance to your Holy Will I ask that you grant me these desires and if it not be in accordance with your Holy Will I ask that you would give me the grace to accept that and the assurance of something even better for me. I ask this to Jesus, through Mary and with Joseph

Amen.